Can't Live Without You
by KeatsLove
Summary: James, Lily and baby Harry are in hiding. They talk about what the future may hold in what turns out to be their last night alive.


Final Night: Can't Live Without You

"'Hush little baby don't say a word/Mama's gonna buy you a mocking bird/If that mocking bird don't sing/Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring/If that diamond ring turns glass/Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass...'" I bounce Harry on my knee, trying to sooth his colicky mood. My tongue snakes out to lick suddenly dry lips. "James? James, come away from the window. Watching for trouble makes me nervous."

James pushes a hand through his hair, wand always on the ready as he sits, absently kissing me. "Sorry, love." He lays his head atop mine, pressing a kiss into my hair. "I love you."

I shift Harry to against my hip, his little fists curling around my hair. "Don't talk like you're always saying goodbye. We're safe, remember? This is our own little world. No one can harm us here as long as our secret is safe."

"Optimism and Delusion can walk hand in hand, Lily," James says, pulling back enough to search my face. "You've heard as well as I what's going on out there. No one is safe, least of all us. I just want...I just want to prepare. To be ready when--" He breaks off, shaking his head, unable to finish the thought.

"Don't go fatalistic on me, James Potter," I command, voice low, taking his face in both my hands and forcing him to look at me. "Don't go fatalistic. We're safe. We've our family."

"Our family is what he wants!" James explodes, jerking away from me to go back to keeping watch at the window. "He's not going to stop, Lily. He's not going to rest. Harry's...Harry's what he wants and I'll be damned if I'm going down without a fight." He turns back to me, eyes bright, voice quick and determined. "When he comes for us--"

"If, James, if," I plead. "Say if. We don't know for sure wh--"

"When he comes for us," James repeats, frowning as he shakes his head. "When he comes, I want you to take Harry and escape through the back door. I'll hold him off as long as necissary to assure that you two are safe. Do you remember Moony's cabin in Ayrgyl? I'm sure you can keep safe there till we get wards and charms up around another cottage. We should start planning now. I'll--"

"I won't go without you," I say, hating the thought, the sound, the implication. Hating anything to do with death. "If you're worried, let's just keep moving. He can't track us that quickly. He hasn't found us yet."

"He has spies everywhere, Lily," James says, crossing the room to kneel in front of me, hands on my knees. He smiles sadly, regretfully. "I'm sorry. In a million years, I never wanted to see you cry."

"Stop saying goodbye!" I bite down on my lower lip to control the quivering in my voice. "If you say it, it will be. I won't leave you, James. I won't."

He shakes his head. "I'm not giving you a choice, Lily."

"I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU!"

James kisses my tears, first one eye, then the other, before finding my mouth. He shifts--still kissing me--to sit beside me, gathering Harry and I onto his lap. When he pulls back, we're both crying. "Oh, Lily, my Lily...I wish we had forever. A million years to make a million babies." He presses our joined hands over my womb. "A girl next time, I think. With your hair and my eyes."

"What would we call her?"

"Rose," he says with barely a hesitation.

I can't help but laugh. "Not another flower name..."

He kisses my temple. "No. No, it'll fit, see? She'll be just like her mother--the most beautiful flower I've ever seen--with spirit."

"With thorns, you mean?"

"With fire. And heart. But we'll have to be careful because all the boys will be in love with her."

"Harry can be the overprotective big brother."

"Rose will resent it, but secretly be glad for the protector."

I ruffle a hand through James' hair, kissing where I can reach, above his ear. "And after Rose?"

"Your choice."

"Another boy. We can alternate." I smile, imagining. "Seamus. Unless you have a better suggestion."

"Seamus Potter?" James asks. "Sounds like 'Shame Us Potter.' Won't work on the Quidditch pitch."

"Seamus doesn't like Quidditch."

"Then you must be having an affair with Moony cause my boys like Quidditch."

I laugh, fingers in his hair once more. "Seamus will learn to like Quidditch then, but what he's really good at is Charms."

"Are you sure you're not cheatin' on me?"

"I happen to be exceptionally good at Charms," I say. "Seamus inherited it from me."

"If you say so, but if little Shame-us howls at the moon and goes furry, that's grounds for divorce."

"I mean it when I say I can't live without you, James."

"I never thought you didn't mean it, Lily."

"If the choice comes down to being brave or being with us, James, pick us. Pick us. Your family. Your wife and child."

"I said I'd die for you," he says. "I swore it."

"But it doesn't have to be tonight."

Our front gate slams, making James start--jumping to rush to the window, wand once again in his hand.

"It's the wind," I say. "There's a storm building."

"Winds don't wear black cloaks and ooze evil intent," James says, shoving the small hall table against the front door. He turns to me, eyes wide, wand raised to combat position. "Take Harry. Escape out back."

I shake my head, not moving, Harry clutched tight. "No."

"Take Harry, Lily, and go."

"No. I won't leave you."

"For God's sake, do you want us all to die?" James hisses, using his wand to pile our furniture against the front door. "Take Harry and go."

"I won't leave you!"

"Stop thinking about me!" he orders. "Think about the prophecy. If you don't go while there's still time, everything we all are trying to do will be rubbish. All for nothing, Lily. Do you want to be held responsible for that?"

I stand. "I can help, James. We've taken on numerous Death Eaters and three Dementors single-handed. Together we can do anything."

"Stop being foolish and do as I say!" James yells, grabbing my arm above the elbow and dragging me down the hall into Harry's room. "I'll hold him off while you climb out the window. Head for Ayrgyl. Moony will help. Please, Lily, do as I say."

I shake my head. "I won't leave you. I can't leave you. I love you."

He seems to relent, crushing me against him with his free arm. "I'm sorry. I love you. Always. Never doubt that." He kisses first I then Harry before whispering "Good bye" and stepping out the door, closing it behind him.


End file.
